


D’s Get Degrees

by EquusGirl (EquusGirl0621)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - 1970s, Anxiety Attacks, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, Mental Health Issues, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:13:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29422134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EquusGirl0621/pseuds/EquusGirl
Summary: Amilyn’s struggling with homework and her own inner demons but Leia’s there to help her.
Relationships: Amilyn Holdo/Leia Organa
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	D’s Get Degrees

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Restricted Work] by [elle_reads](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elle_reads/pseuds/elle_reads). Log in to view. 



> If you were looking for an explanation for this highly specific scenario, I got nothing for you. ~~Except it may or may not be part of my therapy homework bc apparently projecting your shit onto your favorite characters is actually a valid coping mechanism? Who knew?~~
> 
> For real though, Amilyn’s head isn’t a very nice place and there’s quite a bit of self hatred so just. Take care of yourselves alright? 🖤
> 
> ANYWAY. Written in elle_reads’ _Off Script_ ‘verse. The women are about 18 here, in their first year of college. You don’t need to have any knowledge of OS to understand this fic, though knowing they’ve been friends since they were babehs might add to the emotional depth. And as for the accents, they grew up in rural Tennessee in case you were wondering 😅

_You stupid fuck._

Amilyn’s textbook blurred as tears rolled down her cheeks, splattering on her notebook. She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut, struggling to control the sobs that rose out of her throat. 

_Stupid._

_Stupid._

_Stupid._

She fought against the voice in her head, trying to tell herself she could do the work. She was smart, she could figure it out, she just had to try harder. 

_Not smart enough._ The voice ripped through her flimsy defenses with sharpened claws, tearing through her mind and dominating her thoughts. Another sob sounded behind clenched teeth. 

_Failure._

Amilyn wrapped her arms around herself, digging her nails into pliable flesh until the pain cut through the fog. Finally, she felt like she could breathe. 

But it was only a temporary reprieve. New thoughts rushed in, overwhelming her as she fought to take in air. 

The front door slammed shut and Amilyn’s heart slammed against her ribcage. She swiped at her cheeks, holding her breath against another sob. 

“Ami? I’m home,” Leia called out, throwing her keys on the table, her bag landing with a soft thump. 

All the oxygen disappeared from the air as Leia’s footsteps neared Amilyn’s door. “Ami?” A soft knock sounded and Amilyn couldn’t hold her breath anymore, a horrid sob tearing out of her throat. 

“Hey,” Leia said, her voice low and soft. She crouched down next to Amilyn’s chair, balancing herself with a hand on the table leg. “What’s up?”

Amilyn shook her head, closing her eyes to the sight of her friend as her breathing became sharp and ragged. 

“Amilyn, I need you to find five red things around the room for me.”

She shook her head again, keeping her eyes closed. She couldn’t open them, not now. Not yet. 

“Okay, that’s okay,” Leia soothed, “how about you think about four things you can hear then. Can you do that?”

Could she? She took a moment to listen to her surroundings. Amilyn nodded, her breath hitching in her throat. She could find those four things. 

“Good, focus on those four things. And in the meantime, can you hold this for me?” Something soft brushed the knuckles of Amilyn’s hand and she released her grip on her arms, pain prickling across her skin as the pressure disappeared. She held Leia’s scrunchie in her hands, twisting it around her fingers as she listened for four distinct things. 

There were footsteps in the apartment above her. One.

The white noise of her fan, air sweeping over her heated skin. Two. She could breathe a little easier, the tightness in her chest loosening. 

If she listened hard enough, she could hear the drone of someone’s radio or TV. Three. 

Leia’s bracelets jingled, followed by a quiet thud. Four. Amilyn took her first deep breath in what felt like years, air filling her lungs and stretching her ribs. 

Amilyn cracked her eyes open, looking down to see Leia, slowly running her fingers over the many silver bangles on her wrist, leaning back against the table leg with her legs stretched out in front of her. Amilyn swallowed hard.

 _So fucking pathetic._ Fresh tears welled in Amilyn’s eyes, shame sweeping through her and wrapping around her throat. She unwound the scrunchie from her fingers and held it out for her friend. 

Leia looked up, a small smile on her face as she reached for the scrunchie and held onto the other end, bending a knee up and resting her arm atop it. “We talking yet?” 

Amilyn shrugged, swiping at her face with her free hand. Could she speak yet? She had no idea but silence didn’t bode well for her state of mind either. 

“That’s okay. I’m not goin’ anywhere,” Leia said, wiggling her fingers against the shared scrunchie so Amilyn could feel her on the other end. “Can you tell me where it started?”

“Homework,” Amilyn finally croaked out, glancing back to her blotchy notebook, new tears spilling over. _Stupid._ She closed her eyes and gently tugged on the scrunchie as she forced herself to take a deep breath. 

Leia pulled back on the hair tie and it became a little easier to breath. “What kind?”

“Philosophy.” Amilyn focused on the smooth silk between her fingers, pulling on the elastic again to feel Leia’s resistance at the other end. “I—“ That shame closed up Amilyn’s throat, growing in intensity. “I don’t understand it,” she continued her voice breaking and pitching higher as she made herself speak through the tears. “Read it over ‘n over. Just don’t get it. I feel so fucking stupid.”

“Hey, that’s my best friend you’re talking about,” Leia said, pulling a little more firmly on the scrunchie. “Nobody gets to call her stupid. She’s not.”

“But Leia, I don’t _understand_. I’ve tried but I just don’t fucking get it,” Amilyn said, her breathing coming faster as she tried to get Leia to understand. 

“That doesn’t mean you’re stupid; it just means you need some help. And to _breathe_ , Ami.” Leia gave another gentle tug on the hair tie.

Amilyn sighed, letting go of the scrunchie and climbing down to the floor where Leia opened her arms for her. Amilyn curled against Leia, draping her legs over her lap and resting her head on Leia’s shoulder. Leia held Ami tight, resting her cheek atop Ami’s head. “I feel stupid for needin’ help though,” Amilyn admitted, breathing in the smell of Leia’s perfume as she tried to sync her breathing to the rise and fall of Leia’s chest. 

“You’re not. That’s what professors are there for.” Leia slowly ran her hand up and down Amilyn’s back, speaking softly. “Tutors too. We’ll figure something out but Angel, you’re not stupid.” 

Amilyn sat with Leia’s words, concentrating on the hypnotic rhythm of Leia’s hand on her back. Leia spoke with such certainty and conviction it was difficult not to believe her. _I’m not stupid._ “I just feel like an utter failure.” Logically, Amilyn knew she shouldn’t be but that voice in her head….

“You’re not a failure. Askin’ for help doesn’t mean you’re stupid or have failed. And even if you do fail the course, which  
_I don’t think you will_ , but even then, it’s just a class. It’s not the end of the world. You can still do really well otherwise. You’re smart, Ami; you can’t get through this.”

“I’m terrified of failing.” She’d always told herself college was her way out. This was her chance and she couldn’t fuck it up. 

“I know but, what class is this? Philosophy? You don’t need this for your degree. There are other classes that can fulfill the graduation requirement. And hey, y’know what a classmate told me the other day?” Leia asked, pulling back to look down at Amilyn, excitement sparkling in her eyes. 

Despite herself, Amilyn felt the corner of her mouth quirk up just looking at Leia. “No, what’d they say?”

“‘D’s get degrees.’”

Amilyn chuckled at that, biting down on her lower lip. 

“And she’s right. D’s get degrees and no one is gonna get mad at you for ‘em,” Leia said, her voice and smile softening. “You don’t answer to your parents anymore, Angel. You can fuck up and it’s going to be okay.” 

“I know, I just...they said I’d never make it. What if they’re right?” Amilyn asked, twisting her fingers through Leia’s loose hair and watching the way it caught the light. 

“They’re fuckin’ wrong and you are capable of doing whatever you want to do. _You don’t need them_ ,” Leia said, her voice hard and firm as she gave Ami a gentle squeeze. 

_I can do this_. Amilyn swallowed hard, different tears filling her eyes. Leia believed in her so implicitly, she always had and it never failed to hit Amilyn like a Mack truck. “Thank you, Songbird,” Amilyn whispered, glancing up at Leia. 

“Always,” she said, a kind smile on her face as she dried Amilyn’s cheeks. “Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> Special shout-out to bazaroff for my new favorite phrase ~~and the title of this fic~~ and being a great friend 🖤
> 
> As always, thank you Elle for letting me play in this world of yours. Idk how to describe it, but it’s just...a happy and safe place and I’m eternally grateful you invited me into your sandbox 🖤


End file.
